Some wag once said that having a young family is like running a small business with your ex-girlfriend.
I say this because I am in the process of preparing to go into business. Yes, guys I am at it again. I know I said I wouldn't but here I am. It's not that I am a `born entrepreneur' or any of that bollocks. And my demons are more or less sorted now, it's just a) that I can't get revved up about of the jobs around just now and b) that I am still attracted to the space that currently sits untouched - I want to make my difference.
This time is different to the last. I have six months before my money runs out. Last time I could mess around for a year. Also, I was invisible before and young enough to get over it if I screwed-up. This time I would fail publicly, risk my mortgage and possibly never be offered a decent job again.
So why am I doing it? Well, I have weighed it all up and come to the following conclusions. Firstly, if I fail I don't actually think I will be untouchable. I have enough cred to carry me into another life, as long as I behave well. Secondly, I think people will admire me trying, even if I don't succeed. And thirdly, I want to do it - or at least try. I don't want to look back in regret. If I do end up in a big CEO job working for someone else I want to be able to say that I chased the dream before settling for the safe option.
I won't go on about my plans yet as they are still embarrasingly ill-thought out. But I think I am onto something. My principal fears concern not the quality of my ideas or my native abilities but being able to summon the energy, time and focus to pull it all off. My biggest weakness is the dispersal of my time - kids, the council, speaking, coaching, running, Trusteeship. All things I love. How I pull off a new business without losing some or all of this is the circle I somehow need to square.
Answers on a postcard please... But whatever happens, I feel a big need, at 40, to follow my true north, whatever that is, however the risks look. I am blessed with my health, a great network and people who will, if it all goes wrong, stand with me, financially as well as emotionally.
You can't really ask for more than that.