Thursday, May 6, 2010

Missing It

Until this week I have felt nothing but relief from handing over the brass cannonball of responsibility of CEO to somebody else. Then today, I was driving along and, for the first time, felt a bit rueful, disconnected and on my own. Organisations are communities, social systems. As CEO you sit at the apex, shaping and being shaped by the tangle of interactions going on. While it is often dysfunction and beyond control, it is also absorbing and part of you, as you, as CEO, are a pulsing corner of the organism.

Since leaving I have actually been haring around as much as ever. Not earning a great deal of money (just over half of the usual in April) but being busy. In May I have gone down a notch and, as happens with me, my energy has suddenly dipped. This week everything has been an effort. I've still got a lot done and had some fun - but it's felt a bit colder and harsher than it did in April. I lost a couple of meeting which wouldn't have gone if I'd still been a Chief and I am having to get used to working harder to get people to see me.

Overall though, it's working well. I am drumming up an idea for a venture which may or may not fly but I am giving it a good run-out. A job feels like it could happen and if, say, a third child came along, I may have my hand forced. Up till today, a job felt like the last thing I wanted. Tonight, a bit knackered and struggling to manage all of my own paperwork the thought of a salary, a PA and a big organisation to pull to my bosom feels sort of nice.

Time to see what's happening in the election...

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